Never wittingly outdone in fashion’s game of top trumps, Rihanna saw Zendaya’s “I Told Ya” tee, Sydney Sweeney’s “Sorry For Having Great Tits” sweater, and Hailey Bieber’s “Nepo Baby” crop top, and raised the bar with a slogan tee that showed, as always, she has us in the palm of her hand. “I’m Retired. This Is As Dressed Up As I Get,” read her vintage Peacock Papers tee, which upcycling genius Conner Ives transformed into a dress, styled with retro blue Dior sunnies, color-contrasting red Pumas and an even punchier lime-green Bottega bag.
“Rihanna Trolls Fans!” barked the tabloids, referring to the businesswoman’s ever-elusive next album, which she previously told British Vogue was slated–in her mind at least–for a 2023 release, but that was before baby Riot Rose Mayers arrived on 3 August. She has since taken to posting memes (employing that totally major Mel Ottenberg-styled Interview shoot no less) about having two kids under two. The juggle, she implied, is real. And that’s to say nothing of the Fenty Beauty releases the chameleonic make-up–and now hair–mogul keeps conjuring up.
Rihanna has spoken a lot about the pressure she feels to live up to 2016’s Anti. “It is toxic,” she told Giles Hattersley of the shadow cast by her most brilliant LP. “It’s not the right way to look at music because music is an outlet and a space to create, and you can create whatever. It doesn’t have to even be on any scale. It just has to be something that feels good… So, I want to play. And by play, I mean I have my ideas in my head, but I can’t say them out loud yet.”
Rihanna’s tee, which delivers all the sass of Linda Evangelista’s quote about refusing to “get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day” in the ’90s, suggests that, despite never stopping recording, she has more pressing priorities than finessing a follow-up to her material for the Black Panther: Wakanda Forever soundtrack, which The Navy must remind itself was only back in 2022. Give her a break!
Of course, Rih is in on the joke. This is the woman who poked fun at herself with a “Use A Condom” shirt last June–a directive the heavily pregnant star had obviously not followed and which slogan tee queen Katherine Hamnett shared in appreciation. The popstar’s vast jersey collection includes custom pieces with her own face emblazoned across them; odes to her music icons, from Whitney Houston to The Rolling Stones and Tupac; and nods to style muse, Diana, Princess of Wales. During the 2017 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton frequently found her face on Rihanna’s torso with the statement, “I’m With Her.” If you’re important to her–like her native Barbados which she has shouted out with prints of West Coast bikini-clad girls–Rihanna has a pullover for you.
While social media gets its knickers in a twist about her “retiring,” Rihanna is already on to the next thing. If we’re still rocking a lime BV bag at “retirement” age, while playing with fashion and dancing to “Love on the Brain” (a low-key Anti banger), Rihanna’s life’s work will be done.